Crate rest craziness                                                    by Sir 'Stuie' Suttgart

Crate Rest Craziness
By: Sir “Stuie” Stuttgart

Greetings ladies and gents. My name is Sir Stuttgart, better known by the rest of the world as Stuie. I am a black and tan, 6-year old dachshund. There are a few things I’d like to share with you.


First, a little about myself. When I was but about 3 months old I was accused of murdering a foam pool noodle, (between you and me I did do it, yup, sure did. Tore that thing to pieces, about 498.8 of them). Needless to say the human found me in the process of picking up all the pieces. Of course, I was blamed for it. I insisted it was a black squirrel, we have lots of squirrels here in South Carolina in the USA. I even agreed to testify to it. Anyway, that incident launched me into world-wide stardom.

Now for the nuts and bolts of the story (by the way they took mine on me)!. Being a celebrity I have lots of obligations and of course travel widely. All that came to a sudden stop Tuesday, December 27, 2016. Dad had already gone off to work. Mom was now up and came to take us outside. We currently sleep in the kitchen because my electrically charged little brother won’t stay in the human bed but for an hour after the lights are turned off. Its’ just wrong, though we do have a cool set up in the kitchen. In comes mom. Bailey jumps up out of the bed. Me well, not that day. Once mom realized I wasn’t eager to head outside and do my “duties” she knew something was wrong. I guess me sitting there with my tail between my legs and shaking/trembling was the biggest clue that I didn’t feel well. Of to the vet we go.

The vet guy checks my feet and legs and pretty much feels me up from head to toe. Then to my horror I’m taken to the back of the “country club” (not sure why mom calls it that, because it is NOT), and I am laid out on a cold, steel, metal slab. I am like uh folks, I am a celebrity, this is just so wrong. Then this “thing” is aimed at me and click, click, click. The next thing I know a picture of my guts and bones are slammed up into this lighted extra-large clip board that hangs on the wall. Then the vet guy shows mom all the poop still hanging out inside me. I just wanted to hang onto it a little longer than usual. Well, honestly not really but you see I have a disk in my back that has started to calcify and there was some narrowing between T10 to T11 and T11 to T12 was were the calcy stuff was developing, wretched stuff. (Honestly, I might have gotten that backwards, I’d have to check the paperwork to be sure).

So, I get a shot to help with the discomfort the calcy stuff is causing. Mom is given a script for poop enhancing medicine. Oh yeah, I hear them say just open the side of his mouth and squirt it in.

Of course, mom and dad had something very similar happen to my little brother Baron in 2014, so of course they wasted no time getting me to a neurosurgeon for evaluation. The next day I was off to Mt. Pleasant. It was an agonizing 1+ hour ride in a crate! A crate! Me a celebrity riding in a crate in the car. Unexceptible. Mind you, I’d been inside that dang thing since coming home the day before the vet. 

At least this vet was nice on the eyes. Actually Doc Freeman was cool. Of course, I got the same head to toe feel up, but it was okay because she was nice on the eyes. Just don’t tell my fiancé. After a long discussion with dad and going over my X-rays (that was the picture of my insides and bones) they decided on a conservative approach.

BE ADVISED conservative approach means RESTRICTION! REST! REST! REST! Oh, there are some good meds that go along with that horrible R word. When they say restriction, they mean, inside a crate. DO NOT LET THE HUMANS fool you. I was fortunate and probably because of my celebrity status, Doc Freeman said my restriction could be to a small confined area or the crate. Our kitchen is a small confined area I state. I stay in the bed I promise. Just don’t put me in the crate. Though I will say, I actually enjoy my crate. You see I got lots of posters in there and a TV, snack bar and of course I had my phone and IPAD.

Most all dachshunds at some point in their life may go through a similar experience so here is some good advice to avoiding what I call Crate Craziness. 

Make sure to have good friends on hand that can come over and watch movies with you. Order some interesting books to read. You will get BORED! You will get soooooooooooooo bored you’ll feel like you are going to go crazy. Give the human the eyes and if you’re lucky enough to be on a small section confinement rather than locked inside a crate you’ll get lots of extra treats and tons of belly rubs. Of course, make sure to play it up so you get extra towels and blankets in your bed. Something too that helps to pass the time (which can be as long 8 weeks, I got off with only 4) you can count the stitches in one of your blankets. That is guaranteed to pass at least 3-4 days of your time. 

In closing, because of this incident I am proposing to all governments that they institute a government funded program to combat Crate Craziness. Thank you for letting me share this story with you. Crate Craziness is serious and nothing to be laughed about. It can easily be detrimental to a dog's self-esteem. It sure as heck puts a cramp in your social life.


Stuie Dasen 

South Carolia, USA Editor 

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