Lizards are regularly seen in some countries, but not in others.  They can certainly be found in America, where Stuie Dasen, our South Carolina Editor lives.  Here he tells the story of what happened when a lizard was on the loose in his house!  

Chasing the Lizard

Okay folks this is a little long but SOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth the read.

The lizard has been caught and released. It was quite the hilarious scene. Especially since the little guy was over by the window, behind the table and chairs. So this is how it all unfolded.

1. Mom - Jackie Wheeler Dasen enters dining room, without turning on the light. Honestly I don't even remember what she went in there for. 

2. Said baby lizard (well he's probably a juvenile from the size of him, still kind of skinny), runs across mom's foot.

3. Mom lets out a loud long ear piercing scream, though she's not afraid of the lizards.

4. Now to watch the HUMAN attempt to catch the lizard. I set up camp so I can watch this entertainment for the afternoon.

5. Mom re-enters the dining room, after texting dad, who is working an hour away, that there is a lizard in the dining room. Mom, really, what's dad going to do?

6. Chairs are moved. Sorted dimes to be rolled are knocked all over, and 'chase the speedy lizard' game commences.

7. Oh, now here's the funny part, mom's got a plastic plate, a pencil and a metal lid from one of the cooking pots. What in the world is she going to get accomplished with a pencil?  Geeze!

8. Lizard runs up chair, lizard jumps onto wicker storage unit, jumps back to chair, jumps back to wicker storage unit, to the window sill, runs through the blinds. Down the wall and across the floor towards Harleys crate. 

9. He makes it, darts through the crate, exits out between the dog food bags and heads straight under the microwave cart. He's inches from the kitchen door. Mom MOVES all the stuff blocking the door, the garbage can, the wall to keep Bailey in the kitchen and now she has the floor swifter. The floor swifter?

10. Lizard runs back across the floor to the window, which is behind the table and chairs. Mom almost gets him trapped with the pot lid. 

11. I SCREAM, "you'll cut his tail off with that thing."

12. Mom's sweating up a storm and puts the living room ceiling fan on, though I don't know what that's going to accomplish.

13. Lizard repeats #8 except he doesn't run back across the room. Now mom's hair has all come undone. 

14. Mom heads out to the garage and comes back with the shop vac!

15. HOLY SMOKE she's going to suck him up!

16. The cord isn't long enough and the lizard is now on the far side of the wall from the outlet. 

17. Mom goes back outside, comes in with the extension cord. I heard a lot of unlady like words in that garage.

18. Mom plugs in the extension cord and plugs in the shop vac. 

19. I am shaking my head, it's not going to work. Lizard is now running across all the cooking books, on the floor, up the wicker storage unit, onto the chair, back on the floor, onto the cook books.

20. HOLY CAMOLY, SHE GOT HIM. Get him outside MOM and turn the dang shop vac off! Triple mega geeze!


21. Mom darts out of the dining room with the shop vac in hand. Out the kitchen door and WHAM-O she's yanked backwards, and the shop vac is ripped out of her hand. The plug got stuck under the door.

22. Mom is cursing, very unlady like, pulling and pulling and the cord won't come out. Back inside she goes, pulls the cord out from under the door. Now there's a huge thick black mark on the floor, (Dad - Ken Dasen),she put the mat back over it and didn't clean it up)


23. Mom, shop vac and lizard go outside. Bailey and I are following, sipping on our Martini's.

24. Mom opens shop vac and baby lizard is ALIVE! 
And so the entertainment is ended. I did do the good son thing and fixed mom one of her frozen pina colada drinks.

I need a rest after all this excitement

Stuie Dasen

USA South Carolina Editor

10th April 2018


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